Funny Jokes – Golf Jokes – Joke of the Day

Funny Jokes – Golf Jokes – Joke of the Day

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
- Grantland Rice

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
- Horace G. Hutchinson

Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.
- Unknown

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
- Mark Twain

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
- Harry Vardon

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
- Jimmy DeMaret

May thy ball lie in green pastures – and not in still waters.
- Unknown

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
- George Deukmejian

Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
- John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
- Robert Lynd

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
- Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
- Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
- William Wordsworth

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
- Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
- Tommy Bolt

I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes – they’d come up sliced.
- Unknown

My handicap? Woods and irons.
- Chris Codiroli

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.
- Pete Dye

I’m hitting the woods just great – but having a terrible time getting out of them!
- Unknown

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
- Billy Graham

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
- Jack Lemmon

If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
- Unknown

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
- Unknown